Jim & Squidward A Spongebob Story Part 5: Heist, 1997
by TheOriginalFrycook
Summary: the journey


Jim & Squidward: A SpongeBob Story Part 5: Heist, 1997

Jim monologue; welp. This happened. The first day was a gigantic success. The buzz we had, the love we got. It was crazy we really didn't expect this. The way it went was crazy. we have a restaurant and we are not gonna fuck this one up, it's way too important for us to fuck it up. way too important.

(Krabs sitting with plankton at the restaurant)

Plankton: what is it?

Krabs: there's no way. Those douche bags

Plankton: what is it Eugene?

Krabs: we've gotta get our food to go and go back to my fucking office

Plankton: why?

Krabs; I'll explain later

(Closing time at jazztel. Jim and Squidward talking to Colleen out back)

Jim: so that's what owning a restaurant is like

Squidward: its wild. Especially when people like your food

Colleen: ya know what would make this moment great

Squidward: do you want us to roll a blunt?

Colleen: please fucking do

(They get high as the song Money Trees by Kendrick Lamar plays)

Colleen: well. We did it

Squidward: now what?

Jim: yeah. Now what?

Colleen: we make money

Squidward: getting a restaurant was so easy.

Colleen: Squidward, do you understand that we got incredibly lucky?

Squidward: how so?

Colleen: we got everything at the right time. Everything fell into our laps. Literally everything

Squidward: I feel like the hype is over

Colleen: Squidward, owning a business is all fucking hype

Jim: yah pretty soon I could move out of my parents' basement. That's fucking hype to me

Squidward: and pretty soon I could record my jazz ep under the name Squidy T. That's fucking hype too

Colleen: damn. Who rolled this blunt. The shit is fuego

Jim: that's my doing

Colleen: damn why are we in the restaurant business. We need to do the seaweed business

Squidward : funny.

Colleen: Alright. I'm out, you bozzos better not forget to close the place. Be back tomorrow

(Krabs and plankton in his office eating the fuuk squilám )

Krabs: I know exactly what this taste is

Plankton: what is it?

Krabs: it's the fucking Krabby patty secret formula

Plankton: dead ass?

Krabs: yes. They fucking took it. Tomorrow we need to march in there and talk to those bitches

Plankton: that we do

(The next day at jazztel)

Jim: oh squid, try this yogurt.

Squidward: hmmm. What is it?

Jim: I think its like pineapple

Squidward: I like it

Jim: yeah it's really good

(In come Krabs and plankton)

Krabs; Jim!

Jim: ugh. What do these virgins want

(Approaches Krabs). What is it, Eugene

Krabs: what fucking Sauce is in the fuuk squilám

Jim: it's a secret, bitch

Krabs: I guess I'll have to find it myself (runs to the kitchen as Fuck You by CeeLo Green plays)

(Krabs finds a note book that says "recipes" and takes it. He runs but Jim tackles him before he gets away)

Jim: you pathetic cunt.

Krabs: but I

Jim: leave!

(He leaves)

Colleen: what the fuck is his problem?

Jim: you should've said problems

(KrAbs and plankton in the office)

Krabs: well, ya know what we have to do now, right?

Plankton: a heist?

Krabs: a fucking heist

Plankton: how do we contrive this.

Krabs: I'll be back in 15 minutes

(15 minutes later. 3 random people are sitting in the office while Krabs is about to present something)

Krabs: all right, gentleman. Tonight we are gonna change the restaurant business. We have a. Notebook to steal. As you could see, none of you know each other (points to some punk ass girl) I found her at the skate park smoking cigarettes and wearing Osiris's so I'm Assuming she can pick locks

Skater kid: just like any other skater girl I could pick a lock and punch a bitch In The face.

Krabs: good to hear. Bitches might need to be punched

Skater kid: I got you for that one. Also my name is Kim

Krabs: this dude over here (points to him) I saw him at the bargain mart eating pickles straight from the jar. He had the juice, too. So I'm assuming he is ruthless. We need that

Pickle guy: my boy said he'd give me 4 bucks of I'd do it. Also my name is Chad

Krabs: okay Chad. We've also got the defenseman for the Bikini Bottom Mighty Clams. I saw him playing hockey in the parking lot to the bargin mart. I'm thinking we could use him to hold the rope

Hockey player: I could do that. Not to mention, my name is Jeff

Krabs: last, but certainly not least, we have the brain, Sheldon.

Kim: where'd you find him?

Krabs: I've known him for quite a while

Plankton: I've got the goods.

Krabs: now, if this goes wrong , our safety might be at risk, so I'm gonna need everyone to keep from fucking up. So chad, if you see pickles in the kitchen, don't bother with them. Kim, if you think you could do a sick jump or whatever you skaters call them, keep from it. And Jeff, if you see one of us near the wall, don't push us into it

Everyone; ok Eugene

Krabs: okay, now the plan. I scoped out the place before I found everyone. There is an entrance to the kitchen from the back. They obviously lock it, but there is a way we could get in. We'll have Kim pick the lock, but here's where it gets crazy. I'm assuming Kim has been arrested for attempted robbery?

Kim: yep

Krabs: is it a big deal if it happens again

Kim: how much are you paying me again?

Krabs: 20 bucks

Kim: okay I'll do it

Krabs: okay okay. Anyways, while Kim is breaking in, the alarm will go of. There is an alarm. While the alarm is going, Kim will wait for the cops. When the cops come, I, along with Jeff and plankton will be on the roof. Plankton will use his tools to let us I. Through the vent which leads to the kitchen. Jeff is gonna hold the rope while i climb down it. We'll get the note book and I'll climb back up

Chad: where am I gonna be?

Krabs: you'll be in the back of jazztel making sure nobody is looking. And if they do, talk to them about something different. You're basically there incase something goes wrong

Chad: um okay

Krabs: ignore my comment about the pickles in the kitchen, you won't be there. Plankton doesn't have to go either actually but whatever I guess. So I guess we have some time to kill. Might as well plug in the sega and roll some blunts.

Kim: I could roll

Krabs: nice

(Jim and Squidward leaving the restaurant)

Jim: day 2 check

Squidward: longest 2 days of my life

Jim: do you have the recipe notebook? Wouldn't want Krabs coming in and taking it

Squidward: I left it where it was. Don't worry, if he tries anything the alarm will sound

Jim: yeah that makes sense. Anyways, that dude mac wants to get his band to play Jazztel

Squidward: I always liked Mac. But he told me the band doesn't even have a bassist

Jim: you could do it

Squidward: the whole rock thing isn't really me

Jim: what genre are they?

Squidward: like alternative. Kinda like if the smiths were punk

Jim: sounds cool

Squidward: yeah

Jim: you know you don't have to be at jazztel all of the time. You could live your other dreams too.

Squidward: I know man. We just started I'll always own the restaurant tho

Jim: I know man. But just fuckin live now. Kinda crazy how everything seemed to go out fucking way

Squidward: I'm with you brother

(Krabs driving the squad in his car)

Krabs: anyone feeling a little hungry?

Plankton: I could eat

Krabs: okay. I could stop at the McDonald's drive thru

Drive thru speaker: welcome to McDonald's. What would you like?

Krabs: I'll have a 10 piece McNuggets with sweet and sour sauce and a small dr. Kelp

Speaker: is that all?

Krabs: um no. Plankton, what do you want?

Plankton: I just want a small fry

Krabs: uh a small fry

Speaker: is that all?

Krabs: no we kinda have a lot of people here so itll be a while. I'll tell ya when it's all. (Faces the backseat) Kim, what do you want?

Kim: a chicken sandwich and a small shamrock shake

Krabs: a chicken sandwich and a small shamrock shake. (Looks back) Chad, what do you want

Chad: I'll have a cheddar melt and onion nuggets

Krabs: they discontinued both of those items

Chad: well, they might have them. Just ask

Krabs: I'm not gonna ask, I know they don't have them

Chad: fine. I want the big 33

Krabs: they also discontinued that

Chad: what the hell? Okay then I guess I'll have a whopper

Krabs: okay. Yeah we'll also have a whopper

Speaker: ya know this is McDonald's right? We dont have whoppers.

Krabs: then fucking give me your specialty burger.

Speaker: done yet?

Krabs: nope we got one more

(Cars behind them honking their horns)

Krabs:(yells out window) hey, could you be fucking patient? We've all got places to be. (Looks back) Jeff, what do you want?

Jeff: 5 piece mcnugget and a mcdouble

Krabs: okay. Yeah and we'll have a 5 piece McNugget and a mcdouble and that'll be all

Speaker: ugh okay. The total is $23.51

(Krabs drives up and pays and gets the food)

Krabs: man. We should've just went in

(Drives to the parking lot to the place next to jazztel, a montage of them enjoying each others company along with the food while the song Summers In PA by The Wonder Years plays)

(Them in the back of jazztel going with the plan)

Krabs: okay Kim, once you see plankton, Jeff and I on the roof, wait 5 minuets then start picking the lock, Chad, hide when the cops come

Kim: okay

Chad: okay

(The roof squad climbing up the latter)

Krabs: man, this is a hard climb. I gotta stop smoking

(Krabs falls)

Jeff: holy shit Eugene

Plankton: he'll get up

(Plankton and Jeff waiting on the roof)

(Krabs gets up on the roof)

Krabs: why didn't you guys fucking wait and help me?

Jeff: plankton said you'd be fine

Krabs: I could've gotten seriously hurt ?ￂﾠ

Plankton: you seem fine

Krabs: okay plankton start with the vent

Plankton: okay...wait a second. I forgot my tools in the car And we forgot the rope. Also In the car

Krabs: what the fuck?

Jeff: I'm not going down

Krabs: it's not wroth the fight I'll just go.

(Krabs climbs down. Falls when he's at the last 2 steps)

Krabs: ah. Bitch (gets up, sees Kim picking the lock) Kim! Did the alarm go off yet

Kim: idk, it must be a silent one because I did pick the lock.

Krabs: oh fuck we don't have much time (runs to the car, gets the shit and climbs back super fast) okay, get to work Sheldon

Plankton:(does his thing)

Krabs: Jeff, take the rope

Plankton: okay, I got it off.

Jeff:(takes the rope and does his thing)

(Police siren)

Krabs: fuck the cops. We gotta go down quick. Jeff, once we're down, hide behind something

(They go down)

(Kim's POV)

Cop 1: what are you doing?

Kim: what's it look like?

Cop 2: smart girl, huh?

Cop 1: didn't think silent alarms were a thing?

Kim: look, just take me. It's not like it's the first time

Cop 1: something seems devious. Nobody asks for an arrest

Kim: what else am I gonna do, run and get into more trouble?

Cop 2: whatever, this bitch is dumb.

(They cuff her and take her to the cop car)

Krabs: (in the kitchen) here's the notebook. (Takes it) okay let's go.

Plankton: this is a clean kitchen.

Krabs: yeah yeah yeah. Let's go.

(They climb back up)

(On the roof)

Jeff: ya got it?

Krabs: fuck yeah.

Jeff: awesome. Let's get Chad and see if we could get Kim

(They go to chad)

Jeff: man how awesome was that.

Krabs: such a rush

Chad: I literally stranded here doing nothing. I didn't get much of a rush

Krabs: alright man. Let's go

(Kim at the station)

Cop 1: why did you try to break in jazztel?

Kim: the same reason I broke into all of the other places I've broken into

Cop 2: it doesn't have to do with the recent buzz it's been getting?

Kim: dude just put this on my record and let me go

Cop 2: you didn't answer the question

Kim; no I just wanted loot. Alright?

Cop 1: okay. Make a call. Go home. You're lucky you're not 18 yet but kid, you've got a lot on your record

(In the car)

(Kim calls krabs')

Kim: hey

Krabs: who's this?

Kim: it's Kim. Remember you gave me your cell?

Krabs: oh yeah. Are they letting you go?

Kim: yah.

Krabs: okay

Kim: whoever you send in (Kim looks up to see if anyone is around) make sure they pose as my dad (whisper)

Krabs: okay. Be there in a few. Bye

Kim: see ya

(hangs up)

Krabs: man, that Kim girl is one bad kid.

Chad: I could've taken an arrest

Jeff: yeah okay.

Chad: next time let me be the bad ass

Plankton: okay pickle boy

(At the station)

Krabs: Jeff, maybe you should go in. I don't Want them to see I have to do with

Chad: I could do it

Krabs: uhh fine

Plankton: pretend she's your daughter

Chad: we're like the same age.

Krabs: just go in

(Chad goes in)

Chad: I'm here for Kim

Cop 1: umm okay. You look a little young

Chad: yeah. Why do you think she's so fucked up

Cop 1: you know what. It's not worth the fight take her.

(The squad goes back in the office)

Krabs; we did it!

Everyone: woooo hoooo

Plankton: let's open up the notebook

Krabs: (opens it up ) ingredients in fuuk squilám. Pasta, carrots the Krabby patty secret formula. Those sons of bitches

Kim: now what?

Krabs: ya know what, I'm tired as fuck. We'll meet tomorrow.

Jeff; yeah good idea

Chad: it was a great night

Plankton: shut up, chad

Chad: what?

Krabs: you know what. If y'all need to crash here, be my guest. But I'm going back to my house

(End)


End file.
